patty.reviews

Rebecca Patty

@rebeccapatty

Oct 7, 2024

I’m always getting a little snacky around Christopher’s apartment, and he always says, “Why don’t you have some Trader Joe’s Squiggly Noodles with Soy & Sesame Sauce?” And listen, the taste is fine but it’s all starch, no substance. I could see this being the base of a dish but it at least needs some eggs if not some chicken and avocado.

Oct 1, 2024

He’s just a real honest guy, your average red state American type. A Baptist, a Marine Corp vet, loves his wife and kid. This guy’ll talk you for a long time about life, and you feel like you’ve been invited to have a cold one with the boys. He also always shows me how he’s fixing my house and then he’ll go on a rant about very astute housing policy and how it’s unfair I’m renting. He’ll let you know what God thinks, but then he’ll remind you he isn’t God and doesn’t really mind the gays like the big man does.

Sep 26, 2024

Really a great burger, but it's true. You're either going to have to do calculus to decide if they'll be open when you arrive, or go off the vibe that they'll probably be closed when you think it's a normal time to get burger. You can tell that they don't really want you to come visit their restaurant, so it's best to not make any sudden disturbances lest you be barred from ever visiting again. The traffic situation isn't the worst, but it's certainly not ideal for someone from a little town. You're going to have to dodge children crossing the street, carefully navigate their steep driveway, and make a U-turn.

Sep 24, 2024

Unless you are a DC political science nerd or economist, playing this game is an exercise in watching Grant play the game through your hands. It's going to involve a lot of leaning over and letting Grant peak at your cards, and then seeing a twinkle of joy in the eyes of your oldest brother as he formulates the optimal strategy for your resources. I pulled off a win last game as we all rushed towards Berlin. Extra fun when Jacob brings you coffee and cracks history jokes the entire time. Definitely worth the extra weight in Grant's luggage anytime he comes to visit.

Sep 21, 2024

The morning sludge is the perfect breakfast and has been for the last three years. It's chocolate-macadamia nut, which is surprisingly much better than the typical chocolate-peanut butter you find in most protein supplement meals. It's mostly fat and protein, so it's definitely best enjoyed as a sipping experience. If you chug this your intestines are in for a real experience. If consumed at a responsible speed, your metabolism is off to a nice, mellow start for the day. Roommates do not enjoy watching me drink this from pickle jars, but I have found they find it much more acceptable if I drink it from a Blender Bottle. Classmates have thought I was sipping on a sourdough starter. Minus .5 sludge jars because you have to order it online and it's pretty pricey.

Sep 17, 2024

Colds used to be exciting as a kid. Your mom would make you soup and you would get the whole house to yourself during the day. You could play Xbox as long as you wanted, and if your cough sounded wet enough you would get the next day off of school too. As an adult, you just have to lay around feeling sicker than you ever felt as a kid. If you play the Xbox, you do it with the guilt of procrastinating working on all the make up work you'll have.

Stuffy Nose
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Runny Nose
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Being Sent to the Leper Colony
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Cough Drops
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Chicken Noodle Soup
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Sep 14, 2024

I basically only read my siblings tweets. Then I pretend that I'm not even on social media these days even though I send them likes. So far I have fooled them.

Sep 14, 2024

I wish half the days in a week were rainy days and we didn't have to go to work. You get to invite friends over for a good soup meal, a chat by the window, and don't get me started on how exciting it is to drive in the rain when the droplets hit your car with just the right amount of intensity and your wipers are set to the perfect frequency. When your friends are busy, it becomes a perfect day to spend a few solid hours in your garage working on one day projects.

Anticipatory Comfort
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Sound
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Worms
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