Chris Patty
@chrisjpatty
Tasty, but it is the functional equivalent of lighting off a mustard gas bomb in your esophagus. For hours you will breathe noxious clouds of onion thicker than the salt lake inversion. Your desperate swishes of mouth wash will be like spitting on a bonfire. Nothing short of a tracheotomy will end the stench. 4 stars.
One of those transcendent works of art that makes you feel like no matter how much you labor and pine, you’ll never create anything of true artistic value in your entire life. Also very jazzy.
It has been 6 months of the most unwell women you’ve ever seen pawing at each other and never forming a single coherent sentence. It’s like a game show where contestants have to survive high doses of carbon monoxide. There have been phrases spoken on this tour that have now permanently entered my lexicon and I have watched them enough times to make up the full runtime of the actual film. I keep expecting the next interview to be shot from two hospital beds complete with IV drips and the sound of a heart rate monitor flatlining.
I was primed not to like this grilled cheese since Rachael had hyped it so much but unfortunately it exceeded my already high expectations. Tragic I know but I think it just barely beats my formerly favorite grilled cheese from Eva’s Bakery.
Basically inedible. If RFK is wondering why they use corn syrup in American sodas it’s because all the sugar is going into this key lime pie. Taking a single bite gave me an instant headache. Fed the rest to the garbage.
Probably the best pizza in Salt Lake. Takes forever to get a table unless you plan ahead but generally worth the wait. They really could light this place up a little better. Sometimes it feels like you're eating pizza in a haunted house, but that's not necessarily a bad vibe.
Never had a bad time here. Great tacos, great guac. I once witnessed 6 birthday songs in a row here. That’s too many birthday celebrations in the course of 30 minutes but that’s not their fault. If anything it speaks to how good it is that people want to drag their friends and family there for the one day a year they get to pick the restaurant. Still too many birthday songs though.
I’ve occasionally gotten takeout from this place but never actually dined in. It was really well decorated and cozy inside and for how good the food is it’s really reasonably priced. I’m biased since I just spent two weeks in New York where the tip option on every register ipad defaults to “your spare kidney or organ of equivalent value”. Anyway we ordered vegetable samosas and they came with the best mint chutney I’ve ever had. The butter chicken is also very good but could be a tad less sweet. I will be back soon for their lunch buffet so I can try a little of everything.
Everyone told me this was the best coffee in Salt Lake so I went in with high expectations. That’s on me for thinking an 8oz mocha would blow my mind but it was really just fine nothing special. And let me warn you, their building kinda stinks. Like idk if there’s like a ventilation problem they’re having or something but it smelled like a sweaty club at the end of a packed night of riotous living. 2 stars.
Always had a soft spot for sad ol’ Eeyore but the Pinocchio pleasure island donkeys still haunt me.
Felt like a time capsule of a simpler time in the 2000’s. The overall theme seems to be “Maybe the baddies are good if you look at it the right way”. That’s a totally reasonable message in the cultural context of a world that was actively debating Islam in America, gay marriage, whether or not to go to war in the Middle East, etc. It feels less culturally relevant now so it has to stand on its merits as a musical alone. On that front, not bad, but also not my favorite personally. Awesome costumes and set design but sorta bland music minus the one song everyone knows. I had the equivalent of 4 glasses of wine while watching and had a great time even if I’m more of a sucker for musicals about the oppression of Eastern European Jews.
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Every play should be a little weirdo’s silly bit that got out of hand and made it on Broadway somehow.
Great place to loudly live review 18th century paintings to the benefit of all within earshot.
They poisoned me. Not a bad burger really but unfortunately I was poisoned by them.
These are the absolute perfect drunk food. Stumbling in at 2:00 am and need something starchy to soak up the booze? Boom, 7 minutes later and you’ve got yourself a meal. I pair it with the”Fly By Jing” Sichuan Chili Crisp for a little extra flavor and spice. Trader Joe knows how to prevent a hangover and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I have so far never been let down by this place. Everything on the menu tastes very fresh and it’s tucked away nicely in the avenues. It can be hard to get a table without a reservation and it’s a bit on the pricier side, but portions are large so I usually end up just splitting a few large starters instead of getting entrees. Why doesn’t every restaurant just have food that’s good like this? Like I would go to your restaurant if the food tasted good instead of bad. Wildwood understands this.
This might be my favorite burger place in all of Salt Lake. Are the floors oddly sticky and the benches graffitied? Yes. Will it take 30 minutes minimum to get your order and in the meantime will you be harassed by any number of marauding local youths? Yes and yes. Despite its flaws if you threw one of these burgers down a steep hill I would go somersaulting after it like that cheese race they do in England.
I was pretty surprised how bad this place was. The food was expensive and it had the vibe of a casual upscale brunch house, but every dish can only be described as entirely flavorless. Like in an almost impressive way. Most restaurants that I don’t like I don’t know exactly how to make the food better necessarily except in vague terms but literally I could go back in the kitchen and show them some pretty basic ways to improve it. Confusing experience overall but didn’t stop me from having a lovely evening with one of my dearest friends.
Watching Rebecca consume this bog water has made me physically ill on multiple occasions.
I really wanted to like this album. I’m a contrarian by nature and seeing people decide ahead of time that it would be bad because they dislike Katy Perry for obscure sociopolitical reasons had me primed to call it a masterpiece, but there’s maybe 3 songs on this album total that even deserve a repeat listen. Just sort of nothing really. Already forgot I heard it. I would love a Perryssance but it’s going to take more than a couple 4x4 house tracks.
I made this site so by all rights I should give it 5 stars, but there's a certain level of narcissism involved in spending an ungodly amount of time making a site to catalog mine and my family's opinions so I'm taking a star off as penance.
This place used to low-key kinda suck. It was crazy expensive and had mediocre food. But about a year ago they changed their menu up and dropped a lot of the prices and now it's one of my regular haunts. The food is pretty good now but they still have a really confusing setup inside where one half is a sit-down restaurant and the other half is counter order. And the menu isn't the same between them? Why would you do that? What's special about that half of the restaurant that you can't just carry an entree 10 feet further from the kitchen? Points were lost for gatekeeping.
An absolutely perverted candy. Each one comes with a dry and chewy outer casing that is edible but can be peeled back to reveal a solid sticky mass on the inside. Sort of like if a candy was designed by H. R. Giger. Can't believe it made it out of committee. Loved every second of it.
Like if a trumpet married a tumbleweed. Completely ridiculous instrument, big fan.
It would be half a star, but it does involve having a fun bonfire and that doesn’t count for nothing.
I really wanted to like these but they were waaaaaay too thick. Kind of like eating a BBQ cracker. Tasty though. Put this flavor on a better potato and you got an A+ chip but alas.
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The traffic hasn't affected me in the slightest as I do not live there. Chick-fil-a is on this street so how could it be bad?
I ate here with my coworkers so I’m biased by the fact that it was free, however, this was the best bowl of ramen I have ever had my god. The pig in my soup should feel HONORED to have been served to me enrobed as he was. I unfortunately must knock off a star from an otherwise 5 star experience for the exclusive use of a QR code menu. It’s harsh but I have to stick to my principles.
Ragtrader is a bar in Midtown. Pretty good drinks but pricey, and they seemed to make them a bit too fast. You know how when something good gets made a little too quickly and you're left wondering, "What corners did you cut to do that without a couple extra minutes?" It was that sort of experience. Not too crowded though and I sat at the bar and chatted with a friend until they almost kicked us out.
I prefer cold water from a stale brita pitcher whose filter hasn’t been changed since 2015 and almost certainly harbors various strains of ecoli. But nevertheless it is quite tasty.
Wow. Only 5 things on the menu. No decisions to make, just one incredible cheeseburger. The sauce was mostly pickles and I never knew that was something I wanted. Like if you blended up another cheeseburger and added mayo to turn it into a spread. I feel sick already from how heavy it was but all I want is another one asap.
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