Jacob Patty
@jacobpatty
Great for taking whole things and making them into many things. I use it often, i used it today, i cut some baby carrots in half the long ways, ive been experimenting lately with eating vegetables with mixed results. Anyways, the knife is a great tool for the kitchen and it always nice to know its got my back in a jiffy just in case someone (or some ‘thing’!) comes stormin in to my kitchen ready to take my life. If it werent for the few times the knife totally betrayed me and cut me instead of a baby carrot, it would be an easy 5 stars. But if you’re worried about cutting yourself, just do what i do and keep your knives dull. The safest knife is a dull knife. Think about it, the dullest knife in the world would basically be a spoon. And if you had the sharpest knife in the world, if you dropped it, it would hit the ground and just start slicing through your floor and just keep going into the earth slicing away until the whole planet was cut in half like a goddam deviled egg killing everyone you know including the people that you claim to ‘love’ and yet you never seem to make time for them and now the earth has been cut in half by a knife you over sharpened and its too late. 4 stars.
Incredible bland and uninspiring. The sort of food that prisoners would turn their nose up at. I finished it for the protein but it was unpleasant the entire time. I wish I could take back having ever bought it. I wish I could take back a lot of things… 2 stars.
Good pizza. Their restaurant is too loud though, but what can you do. I guess what you could do though is enact some kind of system of walls made of that foam thats like all triangles, a bunch of gray and black foam triangles, that would quiet that place up real quick. But the problem with that is that they have live music sometimes, like they had this band with an electric piano, drums, and this fella that was tootin’ a little jazz trumpet up somethin’ nasty! Lawdy lawd could that white boy play some absolutely filthy solos, the kinda solos that get right down and dirty in your very soul, but not toooo disgusting ya hear, he be keepin’ it smoooooth as butter. But anyways if they had too much noise cancelling foam walls it would be more difficult for patrons to hear that very nice jazz music from across the restaurant.
They are a good restaurant. I enjoy eating their food. When I go there, I usually have a good time. If I don’t have a good time, it’s rarely the restaurant’s fault, and more just something bad going on in my own life that is totally separate from them. I get the tacos. One time I got a quesadilla. Too much bread, but still good, I won’t get it again though. It’s just tacos for me from now on. They have good guacamole. A hispanic friend of a friend said that it is good, so you could say it has the hispanic vote with a sample of at least one latino man. In conclusion, I would refer anyone to this restaurant that enjoys tacos with a delicious flavor.
Just plain stupid. What are we even doing with these guys? It’s like someone took an already dumb horse and turned it’s ‘hee-haw’ levels up past 11. Just a bunch of incredibly unserious nonsense. It’s time to get real guys.
They’re fine i guess, but I’m never impressed by them. It’s like mashed potatoes in a fleshy gogurt tube with a flavor that is somehow both incredibly distinct and extraordinarily meh. I don’t want them to go extinct but if they did it wouldn’t ruin my day. If that happened I probably wouldn’t find out for a long time and I’d honestly keep forgetting that bananas don’t exist. It’s off putting how un-fruit like they are, not an ounce of juice in the whole damn thing. I’m surprised when they dehydrate them they don’t just stay the same. I guess they have potassium or whatever, so thats something, but what the hell even is potassium? I’m supposed to need something I cant even see? Or what, I’ll die? Besides, a nutrient with the word “pot” in it cant be taken too seriously. In conclusion, bananas are boring and worth very little attention from anyone, they’re mostly good for buying once a quarter and never eating them, because at first they’re too green, and then for a window of maybe 9 hours they’re ripe, but before you eat them you remember again that bananas are nothing special, and many more things in your house are more worth eating, and then it gets too ripe so you put it in your freezer like “i guess it will be good in a smoothie?” But then you never make the smoothie because you remember that smoothies are also pretty meh, they’re not much healthier than a milkshake and they make a goddam mess of your kitchen, and then you forget to clean out the blender because you didn’t really want to, and now the seeds from some raspberries have dried under the blades and you cant get them clean so the next time you go to put overripe bananas in the freezer you see the bananas from the last iteration and are now confronted by the complete ‘banana’lity of existence and wish you spent that banana money on literally anything else. 2 and a half stars. Also they’re yellow, it’s like they’re not even trying. Whatever.
Just plain yogurt? More like just plain awful. Only edible if you do a bunch of extra work that Fage refused to do, like adding berries and jam or crumbling up cookies with chocolate chips to mix in. honestly tho you could do without the yogurt friend and just have a chocolate chip cookie as god intended. 1 star.
Never personally tried it but I don’t see why that should matter.
Really good, the regular glazed donut was warm and delicious, it’s everything you would want a donut shop to be. Thought about giving it 4 and a half stars but I thought, what, am I waiting for God’s donut?
Tasty with meatballs, and fried onions and peppers
It’s lite but filling with 43 grams of protein, tastes good enough, an all around good buy. Was slightly annoyed though that apparently the city creek chick fil a no longer has a curbside pickup in the parking garage. I had to get out in my slippers, and i also wasnt wearing a belt, and go up the elevator to the actual restaurant to get my wrap. The rapid pace of our society’s decline is truly staggering.
Solid hike, not too far, cool thing at the end, neat views of the mountains along the way. It pairs well with a small bag of cinnamon brown sugar cashews and a room temperature water bottle I had to make last the whole way. The waterfall water looked good enough to drink, clear and cool and just begging for you to sip, but yet I abstained. I don’t know why, it seems like there couldn’t be a bug or a virus in the water, why would it be in there all the way up in the mountains? But I’m too weary of parasites to risk it. Same reason I won’t eat raw sushi. I guess it’s a sort of trust I put in men, learned men, men of science, I can’t see anything in the water, surely it’s clean! But nay says the scientist, your eyes are deceived! Something so so so small is in there and it wants to hurt you. Doesn’t seem possible but here we are, apparently we can’t trust our eyes, even though the earth looks flat, the sun looks like it goes around the earth, your muscles look like they’re getting bigger after working out, it just isnt true. 4 stars.
They had an odd bbq flavor i didn't like, but the texture was great, just the perfect amount of thickness.
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I like it, but I can’t give it a full 5 stars because there is a part of me, a very small amount though, that feels just a tiny little bit narcissistic about thinking me and my family members have the most interesting opinions on everything.
Really good for driving. Make a man feel as though one of these days God’s punishment will come both just and swift but it ain’t today, today you can just keep on driving.
I understand it has its place in an orchestra or whatever, but frankly its a little lame. And what weirdo designed it so you’re forced to put your fist in it as you play? It is nice in that one neil young song but thats about it. A heyday of literally one song in 1970. Even in concert young uses a harmonica for what used to be the french horn’s only solo, and who could blame him, he has a reputation to keep after all. Anyways, go join the bland instrument table with the bongos and the bassoon, you know where you belong.
Gym was giving out samples. You can imagine my excitement. I love snickers bars, i love protein, I like things that are free. Tasted terrible, like sandy taffy, like someone dropped their gum in the dirt and packaged it. I was unimpressed.
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