jacobpatty

Incredible bland and uninspiring. The sort of food that prisoners would turn their nose up at. I finished it for the protein but it was unpleasant the entire time. I wish I could take back having ever bought it. I wish I could take back a lot of things… 2 stars.

rebeccapatty

A road trip is about as American as you can get. Driving through Southern California you can get romantic about the desert and feel like Joan Didion as the desert passes by your window. The desert makes you want to build, to write, become an artist. On the open road you leave your past self behind, a person who seems a stranger now, because the scenery is transcendent. It’s changed you as you sit, snacks at the ready.

jacobpatty

Good pizza. Their restaurant is too loud though, but what can you do. I guess what you could do though is enact some kind of system of walls made of that foam thats like all triangles, a bunch of gray and black foam triangles, that would quiet that place up real quick. But the problem with that is that they have live music sometimes, like they had this band with an electric piano, drums, and this fella that was tootin’ a little jazz trumpet up somethin’ nasty! Lawdy lawd could that white boy play some absolutely filthy solos, the kinda solos that get right down and dirty in your very soul, but not toooo disgusting ya hear, he be keepin’ it smoooooth as butter. But anyways if they had too much noise cancelling foam walls it would be more difficult for patrons to hear that very nice jazz music from across the restaurant.

chrisjpatty

Probably the best pizza in Salt Lake. Takes forever to get a table unless you plan ahead but generally worth the wait. They really could light this place up a little better. Sometimes it feels like you're eating pizza in a haunted house, but that's not necessarily a bad vibe.

chrisjpatty

Never had a bad time here. Great tacos, great guac. I once witnessed 6 birthday songs in a row here. That’s too many birthday celebrations in the course of 30 minutes but that’s not their fault. If anything it speaks to how good it is that people want to drag their friends and family there for the one day a year they get to pick the restaurant. Still too many birthday songs though.

jacobpatty

They are a good restaurant. I enjoy eating their food. When I go there, I usually have a good time. If I don’t have a good time, it’s rarely the restaurant’s fault, and more just something bad going on in my own life that is totally separate from them. I get the tacos. One time I got a quesadilla. Too much bread, but still good, I won’t get it again though. It’s just tacos for me from now on. They have good guacamole. A hispanic friend of a friend said that it is good, so you could say it has the hispanic vote with a sample of at least one latino man. In conclusion, I would refer anyone to this restaurant that enjoys tacos with a delicious flavor.

chrisjpatty

I’ve occasionally gotten takeout from this place but never actually dined in. It was really well decorated and cozy inside and for how good the food is it’s really reasonably priced. I’m biased since I just spent two weeks in New York where the tip option on every register ipad defaults to “your spare kidney or organ of equivalent value”. Anyway we ordered vegetable samosas and they came with the best mint chutney I’ve ever had. The butter chicken is also very good but could be a tad less sweet. I will be back soon for their lunch buffet so I can try a little of everything.

jacobpatty

Meh

chrisjpatty

Everyone told me this was the best coffee in Salt Lake so I went in with high expectations. That’s on me for thinking an 8oz mocha would blow my mind but it was really just fine nothing special. And let me warn you, their building kinda stinks. Like idk if there’s like a ventilation problem they’re having or something but it smelled like a sweaty club at the end of a packed night of riotous living. 2 stars.

jacobpatty

Just plain stupid. What are we even doing with these guys? It’s like someone took an already dumb horse and turned it’s ‘hee-haw’ levels up past 11. Just a bunch of incredibly unserious nonsense. It’s time to get real guys.

chrisjpatty

Always had a soft spot for sad ol’ Eeyore but the Pinocchio pleasure island donkeys still haunt me.

jacobpatty

They’re fine i guess, but I’m never impressed by them. It’s like mashed potatoes in a fleshy gogurt tube with a flavor that is somehow both incredibly distinct and extraordinarily meh. I don’t want them to go extinct but if they did it wouldn’t ruin my day. If that happened I probably wouldn’t find out for a long time and I’d honestly keep forgetting that bananas don’t exist. It’s off putting how un-fruit like they are, not an ounce of juice in the whole damn thing. I’m surprised when they dehydrate them they don’t just stay the same. I guess they have potassium or whatever, so thats something, but what the hell even is potassium? I’m supposed to need something I cant even see? Or what, I’ll die? Besides, a nutrient with the word “pot” in it cant be taken too seriously. In conclusion, bananas are boring and worth very little attention from anyone, they’re mostly good for buying once a quarter and never eating them, because at first they’re too green, and then for a window of maybe 9 hours they’re ripe, but before you eat them you remember again that bananas are nothing special, and many more things in your house are more worth eating, and then it gets too ripe so you put it in your freezer like “i guess it will be good in a smoothie?” But then you never make the smoothie because you remember that smoothies are also pretty meh, they’re not much healthier than a milkshake and they make a goddam mess of your kitchen, and then you forget to clean out the blender because you didn’t really want to, and now the seeds from some raspberries have dried under the blades and you cant get them clean so the next time you go to put overripe bananas in the freezer you see the bananas from the last iteration and are now confronted by the complete ‘banana’lity of existence and wish you spent that banana money on literally anything else. 2 and a half stars. Also they’re yellow, it’s like they’re not even trying. Whatever.

rebeccapatty

I've got a whole stack of various supplements I take every night. Sure, half of them are probably a form of modern day snake oil, but I'm deeply invested into my placebos. Let me preach about the good word of curcumin, 5-methylfolate, and magnesium malate. Let me suggest a supplement for your every pain. Let me heal you.

chrisjpatty

God's pastry truly.

chrisjpatty

Felt like a time capsule of a simpler time in the 2000’s. The overall theme seems to be “Maybe the baddies are good if you look at it the right way”. That’s a totally reasonable message in the cultural context of a world that was actively debating Islam in America, gay marriage, whether or not to go to war in the Middle East, etc. It feels less culturally relevant now so it has to stand on its merits as a musical alone. On that front, not bad, but also not my favorite personally. Awesome costumes and set design but sorta bland music minus the one song everyone knows. I had the equivalent of 4 glasses of wine while watching and had a great time even if I’m more of a sucker for musicals about the oppression of Eastern European Jews.

Music
Set design
Story

chrisjpatty

Every play should be a little weirdo’s silly bit that got out of hand and made it on Broadway somehow.

chrisjpatty

A little overwhelming but has its charms for sure.

rebeccapatty

Worse than finals, because at least there are no classes during finals and once you submit your essays and tests then you are actually done. Midterms you have to also be going to class, working on homework, and taking tests. Plus, your professors have all conspired to keep you at your desk when all you want is to be outside during one of the best times of the year. Everyone is sick too so you better dodge every cough molecule hanging in the air.

chrisjpatty

Squeaky as hell!

chrisjpatty

Great place to loudly live review 18th century paintings to the benefit of all within earshot.

grantpatty

A great sequel to a great puzzle game, though it lacks the moody mysterious loneliness of the original it makes up for it in the new mechanics that make the first game feel like tic tac toe.

rachaelpatty

So I was given this cupcake at my basketball game because it was a teammates bday. I didn’t want it right away so I placed it in the cup holder. Then I went to Raising Canes for dinner, got my chicken and lemonade and made it home. I had quite a few things to carry out of the car so I balanced my cupcake on the lid of my lemonade. As I got out, the beautiful little cake took a tumble, landing frosting down on the asphalt. All I’m saying is that if they catered a little more to people in my situation and made it easier to balance a cupcake on their drink lids, this world would be a little brighter. Chicken is good though.

rebeccapatty

Some people drink black coffee, I eat plain greek yogurt. You can dress it up with a little avocado oil, vanilla extract, and a few pieces of fresh or freeze dried fruit. The real secret is that this yogurt tastes the same as sour cream, but you can get away with eating it because yogurt is socially acceptable. Minus one yogurt bowl because it's pretty sour, though it's overall very nutritious and travels well to school.

jacobpatty

Just plain yogurt? More like just plain awful. Only edible if you do a bunch of extra work that Fage refused to do, like adding berries and jam or crumbling up cookies with chocolate chips to mix in. honestly tho you could do without the yogurt friend and just have a chocolate chip cookie as god intended. 1 star.

chrisjpatty

They poisoned me. Not a bad burger really but unfortunately I was poisoned by them.

jacobpatty

Really good, the regular glazed donut was warm and delicious, it’s everything you would want a donut shop to be. Thought about giving it 4 and a half stars but I thought, what, am I waiting for God’s donut?

rebeccapatty

I’m always getting a little snacky around Christopher’s apartment, and he always says, “Why don’t you have some Trader Joe’s Squiggly Noodles with Soy & Sesame Sauce?” And listen, the taste is fine but it’s all starch, no substance. I could see this being the base of a dish but it at least needs some eggs if not some chicken and avocado.

jacobpatty

Tasty with meatballs, and fried onions and peppers

chrisjpatty

These are the absolute perfect drunk food. Stumbling in at 2:00 am and need something starchy to soak up the booze? Boom, 7 minutes later and you’ve got yourself a meal. I pair it with the”Fly By Jing” Sichuan Chili Crisp for a little extra flavor and spice. Trader Joe knows how to prevent a hangover and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

jacobpatty

Sounds cool but there is always room for improvement

rebeccapatty

He’s just a real honest guy, your average red state American type. A Baptist, a Marine Corp vet, loves his wife and kid. This guy’ll talk you for a long time about life, and you feel like you’ve been invited to have a cold one with the boys. He also always shows me how he’s fixing my house and then he’ll go on a rant about very astute housing policy and how it’s unfair I’m renting. He’ll let you know what God thinks, but then he’ll remind you he isn’t God and doesn’t really mind the gays like the big man does.

jacobpatty

Really turns down a cold/flu/covid by like 40%.

chrisjpatty

I have so far never been let down by this place. Everything on the menu tastes very fresh and it’s tucked away nicely in the avenues. It can be hard to get a table without a reservation and it’s a bit on the pricier side, but portions are large so I usually end up just splitting a few large starters instead of getting entrees. Why doesn’t every restaurant just have food that’s good like this? Like I would go to your restaurant if the food tasted good instead of bad. Wildwood understands this.

chrisjpatty

Basically identical to the last one.

chrisjpatty

This might be my favorite burger place in all of Salt Lake. Are the floors oddly sticky and the benches graffitied? Yes. Will it take 30 minutes minimum to get your order and in the meantime will you be harassed by any number of marauding local youths? Yes and yes. Despite its flaws if you threw one of these burgers down a steep hill I would go somersaulting after it like that cheese race they do in England.

rachaelpatty

On 3 very separate occasions I have attempted to go to California burger, one of which I convinced my coworkers it would better than crown burger, only to find them closed. While they keep odd hours to begin with, they seem to be randomly closed. Why do they make it so difficult?

jacobpatty

Good

rebeccapatty

Really a great burger, but it's true. You're either going to have to do calculus to decide if they'll be open when you arrive, or go off the vibe that they'll probably be closed when you think it's a normal time to get burger. You can tell that they don't really want you to come visit their restaurant, so it's best to not make any sudden disturbances lest you be barred from ever visiting again. The traffic situation isn't the worst, but it's certainly not ideal for someone from a little town. You're going to have to dodge children crossing the street, carefully navigate their steep driveway, and make a U-turn.

chrisjpatty

I was pretty surprised how bad this place was. The food was expensive and it had the vibe of a casual upscale brunch house, but every dish can only be described as entirely flavorless. Like in an almost impressive way. Most restaurants that I don’t like I don’t know exactly how to make the food better necessarily except in vague terms but literally I could go back in the kitchen and show them some pretty basic ways to improve it. Confusing experience overall but didn’t stop me from having a lovely evening with one of my dearest friends.

rebeccapatty

Unless you are a DC political science nerd or economist, playing this game is an exercise in watching Grant play the game through your hands. It's going to involve a lot of leaning over and letting Grant peak at your cards, and then seeing a twinkle of joy in the eyes of your oldest brother as he formulates the optimal strategy for your resources. I pulled off a win last game as we all rushed towards Berlin. Extra fun when Jacob brings you coffee and cracks history jokes the entire time. Definitely worth the extra weight in Grant's luggage anytime he comes to visit.

grantpatty

The best 18xx train game around. A few simple changes from the stock rules of 1830 leads to an incredible 4 hour brain melter. Deeply strategic stock trading meets unforgiving track engineering. Perfect.

AliKehoePatty

It’s a neat trick, but summoning a soul from the abyss is not without its discomforts. Lately among them: not being able to get out of bed without a system of pulleys and levers, forgetting where I parked the car, missing my husband when he leaves the room

jacobpatty

It’s lite but filling with 43 grams of protein, tastes good enough, an all around good buy. Was slightly annoyed though that apparently the city creek chick fil a no longer has a curbside pickup in the parking garage. I had to get out in my slippers, and i also wasnt wearing a belt, and go up the elevator to the actual restaurant to get my wrap. The rapid pace of our society’s decline is truly staggering.

chrisjpatty

Not bad

jacobpatty

Solid hike, not too far, cool thing at the end, neat views of the mountains along the way. It pairs well with a small bag of cinnamon brown sugar cashews and a room temperature water bottle I had to make last the whole way. The waterfall water looked good enough to drink, clear and cool and just begging for you to sip, but yet I abstained. I don’t know why, it seems like there couldn’t be a bug or a virus in the water, why would it be in there all the way up in the mountains? But I’m too weary of parasites to risk it. Same reason I won’t eat raw sushi. I guess it’s a sort of trust I put in men, learned men, men of science, I can’t see anything in the water, surely it’s clean! But nay says the scientist, your eyes are deceived! Something so so so small is in there and it wants to hurt you. Doesn’t seem possible but here we are, apparently we can’t trust our eyes, even though the earth looks flat, the sun looks like it goes around the earth, your muscles look like they’re getting bigger after working out, it just isnt true. 4 stars.

chrisjpatty

I really wanted to like this album. I’m a contrarian by nature and seeing people decide ahead of time that it would be bad because they dislike Katy Perry for obscure sociopolitical reasons had me primed to call it a masterpiece, but there’s maybe 3 songs on this album total that even deserve a repeat listen. Just sort of nothing really. Already forgot I heard it. I would love a Perryssance but it’s going to take more than a couple 4x4 house tracks.

grantpatty

The best. Love her.

grantpatty

Sloppy wet bread, a nice hot dough to mush against the roof of your mouth, though ultimately unsatisfying. Won't be having again.

rachaelpatty

Albanese has got it figured out. I’ve always enjoyed their other products, however the sour gummi bears are a whirlwind of flavor. Each little bear is coated in a delightfully sour substance that hits the tongue with a shock. And once you bite into one, the sour just keeps going, aided by various warm fruity flavors. Albanese didn’t settle for a just kinda sour coating, and neither should you.

jacobpatty

Never personally tried it but I don’t see why that should matter.

rebeccapatty

The morning sludge is the perfect breakfast and has been for the last three years. It's chocolate-macadamia nut, which is surprisingly much better than the typical chocolate-peanut butter you find in most protein supplement meals. It's mostly fat and protein, so it's definitely best enjoyed as a sipping experience. If you chug this your intestines are in for a real experience. If consumed at a responsible speed, your metabolism is off to a nice, mellow start for the day. Roommates do not enjoy watching me drink this from pickle jars, but I have found they find it much more acceptable if I drink it from a Blender Bottle. Classmates have thought I was sipping on a sourdough starter. Minus .5 sludge jars because you have to order it online and it's pretty pricey.

chrisjpatty

Watching Rebecca consume this bog water has made me physically ill on multiple occasions.

chrisjpatty

This place used to low-key kinda suck. It was crazy expensive and had mediocre food. But about a year ago they changed their menu up and dropped a lot of the prices and now it's one of my regular haunts. The food is pretty good now but they still have a really confusing setup inside where one half is a sit-down restaurant and the other half is counter order. And the menu isn't the same between them? Why would you do that? What's special about that half of the restaurant that you can't just carry an entree 10 feet further from the kitchen? Points were lost for gatekeeping.

chrisjpatty

An absolutely perverted candy. Each one comes with a dry and chewy outer casing that is edible but can be peeled back to reveal a solid sticky mass on the inside. Sort of like if a candy was designed by H. R. Giger. Can't believe it made it out of committee. Loved every second of it.

jacobpatty

It’s fine but not amazing

jacobpatty

Dry as hell

rebeccapatty

Colds used to be exciting as a kid. Your mom would make you soup and you would get the whole house to yourself during the day. You could play Xbox as long as you wanted, and if your cough sounded wet enough you would get the next day off of school too. As an adult, you just have to lay around feeling sicker than you ever felt as a kid. If you play the Xbox, you do it with the guilt of procrastinating working on all the make up work you'll have.

Stuffy Nose
Runny Nose
Being Sent to the Leper Colony
Cough Drops
Chicken Noodle Soup

jacobpatty

Really good for driving. Make a man feel as though one of these days God’s punishment will come both just and swift but it ain’t today, today you can just keep on driving.

jacobpatty

They had an odd bbq flavor i didn't like, but the texture was great, just the perfect amount of thickness.

Taste
Texture

chrisjpatty

I really wanted to like these but they were waaaaaay too thick. Kind of like eating a BBQ cracker. Tasty though. Put this flavor on a better potato and you got an A+ chip but alas.

Taste
Texture

rachaelpatty

Perfect for anyone who’s ever thought “the Pattys have the best opinions on everything, I wish I had a catalog of everything they’ve ever had an opinion on”

grantpatty

We're right about everything so of course this is 5/5

jacobpatty

I like it, but I can’t give it a full 5 stars because there is a part of me, a very small amount though, that feels just a tiny little bit narcissistic about thinking me and my family members have the most interesting opinions on everything.

chrisjpatty

I made this site so by all rights I should give it 5 stars, but there's a certain level of narcissism involved in spending an ungodly amount of time making a site to catalog mine and my family's opinions so I'm taking a star off as penance.

chrisjpatty

It would be half a star, but it does involve having a fun bonfire and that doesn’t count for nothing.

rebeccapatty

I wish half the days in a week were rainy days and we didn't have to go to work. You get to invite friends over for a good soup meal, a chat by the window, and don't get me started on how exciting it is to drive in the rain when the droplets hit your car with just the right amount of intensity and your wipers are set to the perfect frequency. When your friends are busy, it becomes a perfect day to spend a few solid hours in your garage working on one day projects.

Anticipatory Comfort
Sound
Worms

grantpatty

Great little spot two blocks from my house. Can't get food this cheap and good in DC, gotta go out to Virginia

chrisjpatty

The traffic hasn't affected me in the slightest as I do not live there. Chick-fil-a is on this street so how could it be bad?

rachaelpatty

So I guess they’re trying to improve the road and sidewalks, but it’s been months and I’m not a road expert but what from what I can tell it’s worse than before. The city should pay for everyone to get their Chicfila delivered, or just mine if everyone’s is too expensive, so we don’t have to go on that road until they’re finished.

Convenience
Smoothness
Efficiency

rebeccapatty

I basically only read my siblings tweets. Then I pretend that I'm not even on social media these days even though I send them likes. So far I have fooled them.

jacobpatty

Yeah, it has gone down hill fo sho.

rachaelpatty

Rebecca refuses to like anything on Twitter but when you tell her a funny little anecdote she says “oh yeah I saw your tweet”

chrisjpatty

Basically Facebook at this point.

grantpatty

Not nearly as fun as it used to be.

chrisjpatty

I ate here with my coworkers so I’m biased by the fact that it was free, however, this was the best bowl of ramen I have ever had my god. The pig in my soup should feel HONORED to have been served to me enrobed as he was. I unfortunately must knock off a star from an otherwise 5 star experience for the exclusive use of a QR code menu. It’s harsh but I have to stick to my principles.

grantpatty

A nice mellow sound that rounds out the brass section. Not the star of the show but doesn't need to be. An honest instrument.

chrisjpatty

Like if a trumpet married a tumbleweed. Completely ridiculous instrument, big fan.

jacobpatty

I understand it has its place in an orchestra or whatever, but frankly its a little lame. And what weirdo designed it so you’re forced to put your fist in it as you play? It is nice in that one neil young song but thats about it. A heyday of literally one song in 1970. Even in concert young uses a harmonica for what used to be the french horn’s only solo, and who could blame him, he has a reputation to keep after all. Anyways, go join the bland instrument table with the bongos and the bassoon, you know where you belong.

chrisjpatty

Ragtrader is a bar in Midtown. Pretty good drinks but pricey, and they seemed to make them a bit too fast. You know how when something good gets made a little too quickly and you're left wondering, "What corners did you cut to do that without a couple extra minutes?" It was that sort of experience. Not too crowded though and I sat at the bar and chatted with a friend until they almost kicked us out.

chrisjpatty

I prefer cold water from a stale brita pitcher whose filter hasn’t been changed since 2015 and almost certainly harbors various strains of ecoli. But nevertheless it is quite tasty.

jacobpatty

Boy does it satisfy.

grantpatty

Five stars if you have good aquifer water, but if you live in a city apartment with bad water it's not good at all (and never gets cold)

jacobpatty

Gym was giving out samples. You can imagine my excitement. I love snickers bars, i love protein, I like things that are free. Tasted terrible, like sandy taffy, like someone dropped their gum in the dirt and packaged it. I was unimpressed.

Texture
Flavor

jacobpatty

Delicious.

chrisjpatty

Wow. Only 5 things on the menu. No decisions to make, just one incredible cheeseburger. The sauce was mostly pickles and I never knew that was something I wanted. Like if you blended up another cheeseburger and added mayo to turn it into a spread. I feel sick already from how heavy it was but all I want is another one asap.

Burger
Fries
Fry Sauce